the return...

I know it's been quite some time since I have sat down and blogged. Well today I am changing that. I am only a few weeks into my second semeseter as a college sophmore so I have a WHOLE semester to fill you in on.

This past fall I pledged this thing called a sorority that I have absolutely grown to adore...

I never thought that in a million years I would find myself as a sister in a sorority. (since this is just a breif filler in blog I'll write one here soon about my experience joining the sorority and how it feels to be a sister now).



As a member of the Pride of the Mountains Marching Band we had the transistion of a new director this past fall. We all miss Bob dearly so adjusting to David was a bit hard. The season overall went very well. We are getting new uniforms this up coming year and going on two big trips. Hopefully, we'll figure out where we're going soon.

As far as boys go. Garry and I broke up, I started dating this amazing guy named Josh, and now I'm single. (trust me. that's a whole blog in itself but i'll fill you in soon).

And so, there is just a small jist of what will be coming your way. Even though I'm sure no one reads this.

when your world turns gray...

I found these pretty awesome quotes in my process of stumbling. Out of everything I stumbled upon these really helped me feel better about my struggles right now.

I don't know how stumble knew that I needed these but I'm glad I found them. Each one of them seems to talk about something going on in my life right now and I just had to share this. I hope these can give you the hope that they gave me. =)

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going....

I don't know if other people out there are having the same issue I am, but coming home from college for the summer is probably one of the toughest things I have ever done. I mean I've done some pretty tough stuff physically and on a learning stand point, but being away at college for 9 months and then coming home for more than a week or two is a major culture shock.

Being at college we get to figure out who we are and what we want to do. We get to screw up and make bad choices. We get to make friends that will last forever and make memories that will last even longer. You get to go out and stay out as late as you want and not have to worry about whether or not your parents will let you go. You get to learn how to manage your time and money, after many different meltdowns. No one is there to make sure your laundry is done for you or whether or not you do your homework at a certain time.

Then coming home you have to throw back in the whole parental unit. Their house, their rules. But does living under their roof give them the right to still treat you like you're 12? To talk down to you, guilt trip you, invade your privacy, tell you when and where to be, demand respect from you but do not give it themselves, not listen to what you have to say, and just over all be so obsessed with when you leave again to not really take the time you are there and enjoy it?

My summer has had it's good times, but the one thing that's really bogged me down is the situation with my dad and step mom. I feel horrible because I have three younger siblings thrown into the middle of everything. And after the shit has hit the fan and you think think things are going to start to get better, it all comes crashing down again. Things are twisted around and manipulated. Make you the bad guy. That's when you realize nothing's changed. Nothing's going to change. And when you hit that point then what do you do? What is next?

Why are things so complicated?

All [we] can do is hope, pray, have faith, and find the strength to make it through everything.

my sincere apologies...

I know I haven't blogged in a while but things have been sort of in a whirl wind of a mess. It ranges from personal life to family life and I haven't been able to really find a break anywhere. Soon I will blog and it will be something of meaning and not an apology for not writing in a while. 

to the hardest things...

Dear God,
Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I think one of the hardest lessons we will ever learn is how to accept the things we can not change in other people and the world around us. The only thing we can truly change are ourselves and our own actions. To many people go through life trying to change everything around them when really all they need to do it look in and find that something so small as saying "thank you" can make the biggest difference. But being about to look in and find that about one's self requires the courage to admit and accept one's own flaws. 

We are all born human and all born with imperfections. Why do some go through life trying to change someone else's imperfections? I want someone who is the most imperfect they are so perfect for me. Just like the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" I think finding that perfect someone is the same way. No one is perfect so why try so hard to be?

crazy...over the rainbow she is crazy...

According to the World English Dictionary the word "Confusion" can be defined as: the act of confusing or the state of being confused, disorder or jumble, bewilderment or perplexity, and/or the lack of clarity or indistinctness. Here lately I have had this feeling of confusion. It's summer vacation. Summer vacation is a time to relax and enjoy the summer. I've been able to relax physically but not mentally. There has been so much on my mind lately that I just simply do not know what to do. If I could draw or paint or whatever I'm sure I would create something like this to represent what's going on inside my mind...only much larger...

Heck, I don't know what to do about things. I kinda want to just let time take over and handle things but knowing me and my luck I'll regret not doing anything about it to begin with. So now I'm stuck having to wade through: financial issues, class schedule and issues, finding the money to go see friends that do not live close by, finding old friends from high school to hang out and catch up with, bettering my eating habits, get a grip on my physical fitness, handle my parents and their issues, try not to loose my cool over everything, and well the list keeps going...I guess all I can really do is just see how things go and act when the time is right. All I can do is look forward to August and enjoy the good things that come my way. Until then, my mind is probably going to be like this: 

pounding the pavement...

So I have officially been home from college for a little over two weeks and I'm ready to go back. I am bored out of my mind it's driving me insane. I miss all my friends and boyfriend. I have been looking for a job to maybe help keep me busy and make some money =) but of course the place is not hiring until the beginning of June or just doesn't want to hire "summer help." ugh. I'm really starting to wish I'd taken summer classes because now I'm stuck sitting around, which is something I am NOT too fond of doing. I have filled out so many stinking applications it's not even funny. I did get one job offer but it required me to work EVERY Saturday. I would like to be able to take off and go see my boyfriend or something one Saturday if I wanted too. I'm kind of wondering if maybe I should have taken the job anyways and just suffered through having to work EVERY Saturday...I'm really hoping one of the other applications I turned in will come through. Any one know of an opening?