as the leaves begin to fall...

My drive down this road,

I don't know where it goes.

The leaves are changing,

and beginning to fall. 

On this drive I think of you.

All your laughter.

Your smile.

Your tears.

I miss you.

But the leaves still change, 

Summer turns into Fall.

And life goes on...

I still think of you.

All the things you'll never get to do.

All the memories we'll never get to make.

And still on this drive,

The leaves change, and fall

From green, then yellow,

Gold, and red.

These colors you'll never get to see.

You'll never get to hear the whispers of the wind,

And the stories nature has to tell.

But still I drive on;

Slow and peaceful.

Looking around at the mountain and country side around me

Thinking how much you would love this. 

No destination set.

No direction of travel.

Just the road and the radio.

The life around me is changing out of my control

and all I know to do it just let it go.

Winding and turning like this pavement I follow.

Still the leaves change and fall.

This road never ending.

and life goes on 

As I drive, missing you, and seeing what you'll never see.

...and the greatest of these is love

     “You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.”

― Bob Marley

      I couldn't have said it better myself. This is what all men need to read, learn, and live by when it comes to women. We may not be perfect, we make mistakes, but in the end all we want is for someone to love and be loved in return. We all love. We put our heart out there on the line and hope you've finally found someone to prove all the others before them wrong. Some may try and fail, but some one will eventually get it right. This someone is hope. That feeling of finding someone who will love us, flaws and all, and never leave or break your heart. Maybe we're all genetically born with the ability to have faith. If so, maybe some just simply choose not to have faith. We'll never know. All we can do is just make our own beliefs and go with it. 

whoever you are and where ever you may be, know this: you are amazing and perfect in your own way so don't let anyone convince you otherwise. As for my love, past present and future, if it's meant to be, it will be. Love with all your heart, dream as big as you can, and never ever give up on something or someone you can't go a day without thinking about. Just maybe that person or thing you're always thinking about was meant to be there and not meant to be changed. To all the heartbroken, have faith. You will love again. It's hard to let things go but if you can accept the things you cannot change you will receive the serenity you're in search of at this time. 

Never let that spark inside you die. It can never be taken away. 

Love with all you have and have faith that love will find you.

      

if there's a want, there's a need...

I use to not be close with God. I grew up going to a Moravian church, but I never understood what it meant to have a relationship with God. I just simply went through the motions. 

As I have pursued my college career, philosophy and religion classes have made me really think about my religious views and what I truly believe in.

Without God, I know that I would not have been able to make it through everything that has happened in this past year. 

As the year comes to a close, I sit here and look back on everything that has happened to me in my life. God, has helped me in so many ways, I didn't even realize it at the time. 

He's helped me become the woman I am today.

He's challenged me, broke me, built me up, encouraged me, guided me, and loved me through it all. 

He's thrown so much as me in this past year, but I know now that even though it was hard as hell at that point in time, God wouldn't put something in front of me if he knew I couldn't handle it. 

I'm not one to be religious, but I found the saying above and I thought it would be a good topic to talk about.

God has made me into the woman I am meant to be. Or at least starting too. I understand that he's let people walk into my life and walk back out for a reason, and if they stay in my life they're there for a reason. 

Things happen for a reason, not just because life is out to get us.

 My life isn't perfect; it never has been and never will be, but I am happy with the life I have and the life I am living. With or without certain people in my life. But those that are here in my life, old and new, I thank you and am glad to have you to help me through all the trails and tribulations of life. 

cowboys and angels...

"I'm not sure why her path crossed mine 

Accident or grand design 

Maybe God just kinda likes 

Cowboys and angels"

silence is golden...

some say silence is golden.
silence is quiet, awkward, and earth shattering.
some of the loudest cries come out in pure silence.
silence can express so many emotions and feelings.

silence is like a blank canvas waiting to be painted.
plain, bare, and silent.

silence can build and break,
silence can understand.
silence can worry, cry, or die.

is silence really golden when it can cause so much damage?

"Diamonds are a Girls best friend..."

Obviously you've never met a True Country Girl... 

Being given the privilege to learn to ride such an amazing creature is truly a blessing. When you first sit in the saddle some feel nervous or scared. Maybe even anxious. It's all a matter of being in control for others. 

Since being able to acquire the funds to take riding lessons I have learned so much. It's my weekly therapy, I tell people. I have always had a southern perspective and way of life. Maybe not like others but to me it's southern. We all have our different opinion and definition of being from the southern and having a southern background. It's a way of life. It's an up bringing. Like everything it teaches you so much.

Like this for example. haha, it's one of my favorite quotes. My life hasn't been perfect and no I haven't had it as bad off as others, but embracing my southern roots has made me who I am and I wouldn't change it for the world. I am so proud to wear my cowboy boots and listen to country music. It really makes me who I am. It reflects on who I am and my views on life and the world we live in. 

Being able to take lessons and care for a horse has changes my life. It is my therapy and it teaches me about someone other than myself. You build a bond between you and that creature. When you sit in that saddle a horse can sense everything you do. They can feel what you feel. They can read your mind and do it without giving any kind of signal or command. 

Horses have moods and thoughts just like humans. I tend to have an internal argument when I am in lessons with the horse I ride. He's leader of the barn and will do whatever he wants when he wants. If you ask him to trot he'll ask you if you're sure that's what you really want to do. He's just as stubborn as I am. It's like my trainer knew when she paired us together that we were just a like. Even though I beat myself up because I want to do it right and I am trying to be confident in my riding I have still built a relationship with this creature. Even though after lessons we are both worn out, I dismount and look him in the eyes and I can't help but smile with a little chuckle and give him the biggest and tightest hug and he hugs me back. And even though it's not spoken we both know what the other is saying. "Good work, you're amazing" or "you know you love me. I'm just as stubborn as you, but you'll thank me later..."

Before and after each lesson you must groom your horse. Muck its stall, clean it's hoofs, brush, bridle, and saddle him. I would go clean a barn before I would clean house. I don't know what it is except for passion that drives this. It's that feeling of being able to do something for someone who loves you unconditionally and not ask for anything in return. It's not about getting even or because you have too. Doing all those things are because you want too, because you love that horse, knowing that horse loves you too.

But now that my random ramble about this girl and a horse named nugget, I leave you with this because not only do southern girls love their horses, but they're also suckers for cowboy boots and big trucks. Lets go Muddin' yall!

is it better as a memory?

"It's always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me"
   -Vanessa Carlton

Do you ever stop randomly, no matter how busy you may get, and think about that one person who made some sort of impact on you that you wish so badly you could have back? Have just one more chance to make it right, fix it, and be the person they saw you to be? Pandora must know what I'm thinking cause song after song seems to remind me of him. Makes me miss him more than I already do, want to show him I love him, show him what he means to me, and make him feel like he is worth more than the sun and moon and stars combined. Every song, old new, speaks something to me about my life, myself, and you. I always wonder where you are, what you're doing, if you're thinking about me too, and if you feel the way I do...

"I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night. I miss the way we sleep...And now I miss everything about you. I can't believe it, I still want you, and after all the things we've been through. I miss everything about you, without you." -Colbie Caillat

If only I had one chance to do it over and make it right...what I would give.